Foresight, present blindness

I feel so.. defeated. I realise I had so little control over so many things. Whether it's traffic, or group mates. Probably over myself too. I really don't know what to do at times. I can only plan the future, but I can't seem to work towards it.

I know I'm supposed to trust God, but I really can't see His hand now. Maybe I'm too caught up with work, maybe I waste too much time travelling. I long for heaven, because I'm losing my purpose here on earth. I feel dejected at times. Sometimes all I need is to be needed, but who would trust me? Why should anyone trust me?

I need to recover from this flu soon. I am just swamped with anxiety and negativity.