Bondage

And it came to pass in process of time, that the king of Egypt died: and the children of Israel sighed by reason of the bondage, and they cried, and their cry came up unto God by reason of the bondage.

Surely sin was not meant to have dominion over us, yet why do we still live in sin? Where is the Deliverer? What is deliverance?

I sigh; there is no strength left in me. There is no help - none of my friends can win this war for me. What happens when the spirit fails, and it is unwilling?

I wrestle with God, not knowing his power. Sometimes pleading, sometimes rebelling; but the dawn does not come.

I never wanted to grow up like this. All my most illustrious dreams have been shattered, and I'm clinging on to fragments which would cut my hand. If they were real. Previously, I didn't understand why anybody would cut themselves. Now, I think maybe the reason is that they hate themselves.

Oh if I could cry, then perhaps my tears would soften my heart. Why are they withheld? I cannot be touched by grief nor joy, but only by shadows of emotions. All is dark, and the darkness consumes me from within.