Shows omit the ugly.

It's all about winning, not about losing~


Yep, I did 15km last weekend. Thank God I pushed to finish it. Starting felt terrible because I didn't warm up properly, and my lower torso hurt. That cleared after I took a long break in the toilet =p Two weeks to go, and I'm uncertain if I can do 21km below 2 hours.

YOG has ended, and somehow it has made me feel how meaningless my existence is. I did next to nothing, and am powerless to do anything useful outside the skeletal job scope. I see the happiness of the young performers, but I can't feel myself sharing in it. I can't even remember times like that. Perhaps it's due to the Ne/Si dominance in my co-workers and superiors, and I hope it's only that.


I think I'm starting to realise why I'm falling apart. I'm probably trying to make God a big part of my life. Evidently it's not working - the pride of life simply takes over the other parts, while worldly desires and covert sins begin to take root. The Lord is supposed to rule over all facets of my life, isn't He? Why can't I really understand that?

It's easy to lay blame on anything except myself - especially on my circumstances. I find it almost impossible to attend many church activities, while the people around me are fairly ungodly. Somehow I know those are grey excuses, because surely God can conquer the odds. I wish I can find it simpler to rest on the Lord's grace all the time.. but I'm just too weak to realize I'm weak.